I Am Forever (What Kills Me) Read online

  The maids wedged my feet into navy satin pumps.

  “And what ensemble would be complete without glitter?”

  Pavone waved her hand over a wooden case like a magician, and the maid opened it to reveal a yellow tear-drop diamond the size of a small egg.

  “Oh my goodness,” I said. “That’s incredible.”

  “From the Empress’s collection. It’s the largest yellow diamond in the world,” she said as a maid strung it around my neck on a chain of diamonds.

  “It’s beautiful.”

  “It barely matches my lady’s brilliance,” Pavone said with a deep bow.

  “My lady!” Uther exclaimed from the doorway. “You look truly wonderful.”

  “Thanks. Uh, are we going to a party, Uther?”

  “No my lady. We’re going to see something special.”

  I took a few wobbly steps in my four-inch heels.

  “Don’t you dare say anything about my waddle!” I pointed my finger in Lucas’s face. He raised his hands in surrender. I followed Uther gingerly out of the room.

  Great. The Divine waddles. I wonder if they put me in these to make it harder for me to run away.

  The Empress was waiting for me in the same room with the screen showing the multiple videos. I didn’t have the stomach to see any more of those images. Luckily, the screen was turned off.

  “The doctor informed me that you are well, and I see that the dresser has paid you a visit,” she said.

  I shifted self-consciously and tried to clasp my hands behind my back, but they got lost in my bustle. “Yes, thank you. The necklace is stunning.”

  “Everything the Monarchy has is yours, my lady.”

  She leaned over the table and pressed a button on a remote control. With a whirr the screen began to part and a laser of light broke through the darkness; the two halves of the screen slid into the wall to reveal a glass pane.

  “Come,” she said. “I want you to see what belongs to you.”

  I circled the table and walked up to the window.

  Wow.

  I peered down at levels upon levels, like bookshelves, teeming with vampires. It looked like a circular mall with open walkways and staircases connecting each floor. The bottom floor was maybe twenty stories down.

  “My lady, this is the Acropolis. All of the Monarchy’s needs are served here.”

  I pressed my nose to the glass. It reminded me of the packed throngs in Taipei, but without the chaos. The vampires moved like ants on a branch, in single file. Against the white architecture I could identify groups by their clothing. The blue robes of the clerics. The black gear of soldiers. The beige dresses of the maids. There were others—white lab coats, business suits—and a smattering of glittery gowns.

  So many vampires. Thousands maybe. That’s a lot of mouths to feed.

  “Would you like to see it?” she asked.

  “Yes. Very much.”

  Outside the door Uther and Lucas were waiting with a line of vampires.

  “Your Highness,” Uther said. “And my lady.”

  Uther put his hand out and three female vampires stepped forward. Their dark mohawks sprayed upward, and braids clung to either sides of their scalps like centipedes. Armor made of silver scales hugged their curves. Black guns were holstered to their thighs, and they carried swords strapped to their backs.

  “My lady, these are your guards. They will be by your side at all times.”

  None of them looked at me. Just stared ahead at the space in between me and the Empress.

  “Let us go for a walk, shall we?” the Empress said.

  Worried that I wouldn’t appear very god-like to the vampires, I straightened my back and tried to emulate the Empress’s posture as we walked.

  Everywhere we went the vampires parted and bowed. The crowds undulated like the sea. It looked as if the vampires were almost cowering, with their hunched shoulders and hidden faces. I was no longer sure if the soldiers were protecting them from me or me from them. My nervousness faded when I realized that no one was looking at me. Everyone averted their eyes as if I was Medusa.

  I glanced back at Lucas. My guards had cut him off with a haughty toss of their heads and formed a fence between us. Over their shoulders I watched him scan the masses, unhappy dents forming in between his brows.

  The Acropolis smelled musty, like a dank basement. This far underground there wouldn’t be fresh air. In that moment I felt claustrophobic.

  Our procession moved under an arch into a massive open area. This giant concrete box reeked of leather and blood. On one side, rows of soldiers perched atop poles, their arms outstretched, their hand balancing metal weights. They stood so perfectly still that they looked like part of the architecture, like a line of fencing.

  On the other side vampires performed drills, shouting in unison as they pierced the air with their swords. Lucas watched them, his lips tight, the corners of his mouth slowly dragging down; every cry seemed to anger him more. I wondered what this reminded him of—his father? Training with his brother?

  I wanted to reach out to him but the Empress was standing in between us.

  At the crack of a whip the dozens of soldiers leaped off their posts or slid their weapons into scabbards. In seconds they stood at attention, the synchronized stomp of their boots echoing. They then dropped to their knees.

  A burly vampire with a whip coiled around his body approached us. His stern brow jutted over his eyes, and his square nose looked like a wad of putty on his face. He met Lucas’s gaze briefly, spat on the ground, and looked away. I immediately disliked him.

  “Your Highness,” he said in a coarse British accent. Clutching the handle of the whip, he pounded his fist against his chest.

  “War Master,” she said.

  “This battalion should be ready for operations in a fortnight.” With the wave of his paw the soldiers returned to training.

  They’re preparing for war. How many of these soldiers will not return?

  A young, shirtless vampire drew my attention: it was his lazy gait, his swagger, as if he had nowhere to be. No one walked like that in the Acropolis. He looked over. Our eyes met and a half smile climbed into his cheek.

  He took a bucket of water and splashed the blood-stained ground.

  His presence drew the attention of several soldiers. They nudged each other and drew their swords. Their expressions reminded me of wolves watching prey. The scene reminded me of those goons in Taiwan and the girl they’d tried to torment.

  This isn’t good.

  As the soldiers surrounded him, enclosing him in a circle, he waited, watching them warily. Without warning, one of the soldiers attacked him from behind and hacked at the back of his skull with a sword.

  “Watch out!” I blurted.

  The vampire turned around in time to slap the side of the blade and punch the soldier in the face. As the soldier lurched back, another ran into the center of the circle and leaped toward the vampire. The vampire slid on his knees, bending his head back so it was parallel to the ground, and the second soldier’s sword swiped an inch above his throat. He hit the soldier in the stomach, jumped up, and drove an uppercut into his face.

  He then kicked up the empty bucket and punted it at an oncoming soldier. It split the soldier’s eyebrow, releasing a jet of blood. The young vampire’s leg hung in the air, hooked and poised to strike the next attacker.

  The soldiers criss-crossed each other, repositioning themselves. One sprang forward and the vampire’s foot cracked his skull. As they chased him, chopping the air, he flipped backward.

  There are too many of them. They’re going to kill him.

  Before I knew what I was doing, I was running toward them. I pushed aside two soldiers as if I was parting curtains and they went flying into others like stray bowling pins. Surprised, the young vampire raised his hand as if to wave at me, and a soldier sliced a line from his shoulder to his navel.

  Groaning, the vampire fell.

  “Stop!” the war
master hollered. The soldiers stepped back simultaneously and became motionless as if they were robots powering off.

  “Are you all right?” I asked the injured vampire, who knelt before me like a man proposing. Looking down I noticed droplets of his blood dotting my bodice. He rose slowly, the deep laceration across his abs sealing shut. He ran a hand through his wavy brown hair and licked a red smear from his lips.

  “Yes, my lady, thank you,” he said with a subtle Spanish accent. “Your concern honors me.”

  “I know what it’s like to be ganged up on. All those soldiers against one unarmed vampire?”

  “Hardly seems fair for them, does it?” he muttered under his breath.

  This guy I like.

  “My lady, they were performing a training exercise,” the war master explained, scowling at the vampire.

  “The soldiers cannot leave the circle until they draw blood,” Lucas said.

  “So they all take turns trying to stab him?” I asked, waiting for someone to disagree.

  “My lady, that is the war page’s duty, to test their skill,” the war master said.

  “The who?”

  “The war page Santana,” the war master said.

  I nicknamed him San in my head, and I extended my hand to him. “I’m Zee.”

  I heard the Empress clear her throat, and from the corner of my eye I saw the war master rush toward the war page. San drew back.

  “My lady,” the Empress said.

  “Page,” the war master warned.

  San considered the moment, perhaps trying to weigh who to offend, the war master or me.

  “Page,” the war master said again. Without looking at his superior San bowed to me. Disappointed, I withdrew my hand.

  “Come, my lady,” the Empress said. “Let us show you the opera house.”

  The Empress turned to leave, and my guards stepped between me and San. As our parade headed out of the training area, I heard the war master snarl, “Don’t make me warn you twice ever again.”

  I looked back and saw the war master yank the whip from his body. With a flick of his wrist he cracked it, tearing open San’s cheek and releasing a spray of blood.

  My face hot, I shouldered through my guards and headed for the war master. His back was to me as he brought the whip up and snapped it again.

  I snatched the braided length out of the air, pulling the leather taut like a tightrope between us. A blade shaped like an arrowhead dangled from the end. The war master’s jaw went slack.

  “Don’t,” is all I said.

  He dropped the whip and bowed. “My lady.”

  San smirked, rivulets of blood running into his dimples, but he tempered his pleasure as the Empress approached.

  “My lady?” she asked.

  “I’ve seen enough violence today,” I said.

  “Of course, my lady,” she said. “The war master will ensure there will be no blood shed in your presence.”

  “Fine,” I replied. I tossed the weapon aside.

  “My lady, you are most magnanimous,” the Empress said.

  The war master retrieved his weapon like a sulking child, snatching it from the ground and wrapping it around his neck as if it was a scarf.

  Did I get San in trouble by trying to protect him? Will they hurt him when I walk away?

  “Will I see you again, San?” I said a little too cheerfully, to mask my nerves.

  “Whenever you wish, my lady,” he said.

  “There’s a ceremony tomorrow.” I turned to the Empress. “Will San be there?”

  She paused. “If that is your wish, the war page will attend.”

  San bowed, his brown eyes never leaving mine, and I smiled.

  “You don’t think they’ll hurt him, do you?” I asked Lucas as we left.

  “Why?” His reply was quick.

  “I don’t want him further punished because of me.”

  “Well, that’s exactly what they’re going to do.”

  And his wounds will heal, so I won’t see his pain tomorrow.

  My brain buzzed from our tour. For our last stop Uther brought Lucas and me to a waiting room for Dr. Femi.

  I had seen so much and I wanted to talk about it. But Lucas was not in a talking mood.

  We sat on a white leather couch together. The room, with its cream carpeting and tufted, cushy walls, felt lonely. Pavone had gotten me to change into a beaded blue dress with a stiff tulle skirt so that every time I shifted in my seat, it sounded like I was playing maracas. “I need to have a talk with Pavone. I look like a ballet-dancing Smurf.”

  Lucas didn’t respond. He had not said a word since leaving the Aramatta’s training area. I wondered if he was offended by how coldly my guards and the war master had treated him, but it didn’t seem in his character to give a hoot.

  “Or a puff of blueberry cotton candy.”

  Silence.

  “Lucas, are you okay?”

  No reply.

  “I know it sometimes seems as if I enjoy the sound of my own voice, but I like yours just as much. So please say something.”

  “What do you want me to say?” he asked finally.

  “Tell me what’s on your mind. What's bugging you?”

  “This place,” he muttered. “These vampires.”

  “Well, what about them?”

  He shook his head.

  “Lucas?”

  He clucked his tongue. “I don’t really feel like talking, Zee. Do you mind if we just sit in silence?”

  It was almost a plea. He looked down for a moment, his eyes unfocused, aimed at the coffee table, which was a glass box filled with roiling red liquid. His face was motionless, frozen, and sad. I immediately felt guilty.

  I’m so self-centered. It must be overwhelming for him to be back here. The memories. The bad memories.

  I reached over and put my hand on his forearm.

  “I’m sorry,” I said. “Of course. I won’t—”

  Suddenly I heard a voice yelling over my own. It filled my brain, booming, terrifying. It was Noel’s voice. He was screaming. He was telling me to run.

  “GO!”

  With a cry I threw myself from the couch. Lucas gasped as the couch tipped back and he went with it. My shins hit the coffee table and I tripped.

  “Zee!” Lucas cried, reaching for me over the fallen couch. He caught a handful of my skirt, tearing the fabric. I saw my frightened face in the glass a second before I crashed through the table with my elbows. The glass broke, like a cracker crumbling into soup. Red liquid and shards flew up and everywhere. The table buckled under me, but instead of collapsing on the pieces, Lucas grabbed me under my armpits and lifted me up.

  Blood.

  “Are you all right?”

  I staggered back, crunching glass, blinking blood from my eyes. Am I bleeding? I blew blood from my nostrils and swiped at my nose with the back of my hand. The metallic, rotten stink stung my senses.

  “Am I—am I bleeding?” I asked, though I registered no pain.

  Lucas ran his hands up my arms and then scraped the wet hair from my eyes with his pinky. “No, it’s the blood from inside the coffee table.”

  “Did you hear that?” I hissed.

  “Hear what?” Lucas looked around wildly, his hands forming fists and his body braced.

  There...there was screaming. Oh my God. I heard screaming.

  “What is it, Zee?”

  Suddenly I noticed a beautiful, tall woman standing in the doorway. Her small head perched on an impossibly long and slender neck. Her black hair was cut close to her scalp, revealing elfin ears, and her full lips were pursed into an O.

  “My lady?” she said, alarmed.

  I scratched at my chest and trembled. There was blood everywhere. Dotting the wall, dripping off the couch, seeping into the carpet. It looked like I had slaughtered someone in her waiting room.

  “Zee, what happened?” Lucas asked.

  Confused, the memory of Noel’s voice echoed in my ears. I heard him.
I saw his face. His expression contorted, panicked, telling me to run. Just like before he died.

  I sucked in air and expelled it in a puff. When I was human, I would breathe deep and exhale as if I was releasing my demons and my fears. Now, inhaling only served to fill my lungs with the stale, almost sour air in the room.

  “My lady, are you all right?” the vampire asked.

  I realized that my hands were raised and my fingers were nervously moving as if I was typing on an imaginary keyboard.

  “Zee,” Lucas said.

  Noel.

  Afraid to upset Lucas, I shook the image of his father from my mind. The vampire took my motion as a “no” and snapped her fingers. Soldiers and maids immediately appeared.

  “No, I mean, yes. I’m fine,” I said. “I—I was startled by something.”

  With everyone watching me, I wanted to cry. I felt vulnerable. Exposed. They must think I’m out of my mind. Attacking people in my sleep. Destroying furniture. Maybe I am losing my mind. Maybe I’m unfit to be the Divine.

  Instead I said, “I’m so sorry about this mess. Apparently that’s all I do now. I go around breaking things. I’m a human wrecking ball. I mean, vampire...”

  “As long as you’re not injured, my lady. These things can be replaced,” she said. “I am the doctor Femi.”

  She was a gorgeous figure, a black queen against a white chessboard square. Her fitted black dress had leather sleeves. A clipboard was tucked under a thin, angular arm that bent and jutted like a grasshopper’s leg.

  “I’m Zee,” I said. “This is Lucas.”

  She smiled at both of us. “Would you like to go and bathe, my lady?”

  I thought of the maids scrubbing me down and waved my hand. “No, that’s not necessary.”

  Blood was trapped in the tulle netting of my skirt, like soap solution in bubble wands. I gave my dress a shake. “A change of clothes and a towel will do, if that’s all right.”

  “As you wish,” she said.

  The maids brought me a white dress and I changed in an adjoining room. The sleeves were too long and hung over my fingertips. I nervously joked to one of the maids, “You’re not going to tie these behind my back like a straitjacket, are you?”